What's in a name? Bio-mom vs Step mom

I started a little debat on my facebook last night by asking for suggestions on what my bonus kids could call me besides my first name.  I didn't mean to start the discussion but it was very intresting.  One of my good friends who is a counseler (a very good one) gave me some good things to think about and I want to pass some of that along because I agree with it.  The bio mom is extremly against the girls calling me anything but my first name---expecially mom.  My counsler friend explained that it's not about the girls calling me mom. It's about her trying to prevent them from loving me.  This is just the current battleground for her.  If I give in and have them keep calling me Jamie then she wins this round but will find another way to block them for loving me.  I have not insisted they call me mom yet but let them know it was ok.  But bio mom threatened them to never do and they are scared.  I don't want them in the middle.  But my friend pointed out they will always be in the middle a little because of the bio mom's hatred towards me.  I read something on the wicked step mom blog about the bio mom calling bonus mom saying that it hurts in feelings that bonus mom was volunteering her time for a school play.  This has happened several times to us.  I volunteer each week (in a town 45 min away) so my kids have a parent in the classroom.  Studies tell us that kids do better in school when their parents (bio or bonus) are consistantly at the school.  Bio mom works and is unable to.  I understand that might be hard for her.  But her response was to try to get me kicked out of the school and crying about how "hurt" she is and claiming she will bring it up in court.  Yes, court.  We all know she will be laughed out of court if she actually brought it up in a bad light since it good the kids. But it's about her fears of not being a good mom.  Doesn't she know if she allowed all the parents (4) to be part of the kids life, not only would  their lives be better but her's would be easier.  Being a divorced working mom doesn't make you a bad mom.  Not allowing the dad and bonus dad and bonus mom to help and be part of things does make you a bad mom.  So I still haven't decided what to do about my bonus mom title but I am definatly going to talk to the kids and after the decision is made then tell bio-mom. She should fight with me not the kids.  Silly insecure woman.  Kids can love so easily.

"I dare dare you to lick your armpit"----C1

I dare dare you to lick your armpit says C1.  I ask her what dare dare is.  Aparently it is truth or dare without any truth to it.  I made 3 attempts before finally getting a taste of deorderant.  EWW! Close enough for me to not complete that dare.  Then as we move on to something else C1 whispers in my ear "guess what my last dare dare was".  I have no idea what would be a good dare inside a car to a 7 year old.  I am thinking making funny faces to a passing moterist.  But no.  Her sister B found a bottle that had been lost under the seat of the car for a long time. She drank from it. She didn't get sick and die but I have definatly decided that I have to make time to clean out my car.  Yes, yes I am the mom with the messy car.  I do have 5 kids.  Between dance, school, piano, laundry, groceries, boo boo kissing, homework, carpool, cleaning the kitchen so our food doesn't kill us, playing, and all the other things I have to do daily my car doesn't gain the respect it probally needs.  Oh well.  Maybe I should dare dare myself to clean it.  Maybe not.  Since now my hubbie is sick, my daughter K is puking, and C2 shows signs of a really long teething process.  All in a days work for super mom though. Haha.....  tomorrow will be better.  I really wonder why people without kids don't think stay at mom's don't do anything but watch soap operas.  Please come spend a day with my kids and you will see what tired really is.  They are good----better than most.  LOL If I get a shower, I call that alone time.

I'm the better person.........

I am pretty sure that when someone declares themselves to "be the better person" to the person they are trying to convince it usually means that they are at fault.  It's also usually the woman who claims she is a great parent and doesn't have to worry about her kid because she has it so covered as a "great parent".  Parenting is hard and we have to continually work at being better people, parents, and spouses if we want to succeed at any of those things.  I hear both "I'm the better person", and "I'm a good mom" a lot from the biological mom of 3 of my kids.  Usually with the underlying meaning (because she enjoys belittling others exspecially me), are you are a terriable person and mother.  My neighbor's daughter and her kids are staying with her right now.  She reminds me a lot of the b-mom.  Her daughter and mine had a little kid fight that in this case was her daughter's fault.  She stomped over to my house and tried to pick fight with me over a typical kid fight.  Which wasn't anything.  I asked her why she was trying to fight a 6 year old fight (her daughter is 6).  She then went into how she is the better person and a good mom.  It's actually pretty funny since she just barely stopped trying to give her daughter up for adoption to her mom.  After I told her to just get off my property and to not bother me anymore I could actually see her stomping around white trash style on the phone waiving her hands in the air in her driveway.  Then when our other neighbor came home she ran right over and started telling her about it.  I have a great adult relationship with all my neighbors so I am not worried they will hate me like in junior high.  But it was comical to see an adult act like she was still in junior high.  The B-mom likes to thrust her chest and wave her hands around a lot as well.  People like that belong on Jerry Springer.  It's their poor kids that suffer from their crazy parents.  We all do a little damage to our kids why make it worse?  So before declaring yourself to the other person, maybe we should think about what actually makes us the better person, or better mom.  Besides depending on your kids age and personality if you ask them what kind of parent you are they will either say you are the worst or the best mom ever.  My younger kids still think I am the best mom ever.  I enjoy that even though it's not entirely true. LOL  I can keep trying and maybe when I am old and gray and on death's door that might actually be true.  But for now I will love everytime I pick my daughter K up from school and she runs towards me excittedly yelling mommy, mommy, mommy! 

"Bowling changed my life"

"Bowling changed my life" Was the random comment made by my daughter C1 last night at my other daughter K's birthday dinner.  We all started laughing so hard we never actually heard her explanation of why bowling changed her life.  She just said it so profoundly and was just so excitted that is was impossiable to not laugh. We had taken 3 of our daughter's out bowling the night before which only the birthday girl wanted to do.  But once we made it bumper bowling the games began.  Suddenly our 3 girls that are all pretty much the same age, (all born in the same year but not twins or triplets) were doing victory dances, singing, out scoring their father, and high five-ing over even one pin being knocked.  Our daughter K said it was the best night ever in her life.  They all turn 8 this year so they don't hate us yet.  It was a really fun night except that my hubbie thought 1 game was just a warm up and 2 games must be played.  The 2 of us ended up taking the girls turns because they were sooooo done they didn't want to continue, but he just had to play. Must be a guy thing.  I would rather get the kids home after a really fun time and get them in bed for a happy grumpy free tomorrow.
But at least bowling changed the life of one of my kids.