Are you ready to be a mother?

My mom sent this to me, she heard it in church and I think it is so funny I am passing it on to my readers.

1.        Mess Test:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.  Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
2.        Toy Test:
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Lego's.  (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks)  Have a friend spread them all over the house.  Put on a blindfold.  Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.  Do not scream.  (This could wake a child at night.)

3.        Grocery Store Test:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.  Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

4.        Dressing Test:
Obtain one large unhappy, live octopus.  Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all arms stay inside.

5.        Feeding Test:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug.  Fill halfway with water.  Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.  Start the jug swinging.  Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios)  into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.  Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

6.        Night Test:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 – 12 pounds of sand.  Soak it thoroughly in water.  At 8:00 pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until (:00pm.  Lay down your bag and set you alarm for 10:00pm.  Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.  Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 am.  Set alarm for 5:00am.  Get up and make breakfast.  Keep this up for 5 years.  Look cheerful.

7.        Physical Test:
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of you clothes.  Leave it there for 9 months.  Now remove only 10 of the beans.

8.        Final Assignment:
Find a couple who already has a small child.  Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners.  Suggest many ways they can improve.  Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot.  Enjoy this experience.  It will be the last time you will have all the answers.


I think I will make my own "Are you ready to be a Step-Mom" test in my next blog.  Hope you enjoyed the true but silly test.

Why does mothers day suck???

Every retail company in America wants us to buy bigger better mothers day presents so us mothers can have some magical stress free day where we feel super loved and appreciated.  To those amazing women who don't have kids they are either slapped in the face by this day with longing for the kids they don't have or are greatly relieved they don't have them.  The experienced mom knows that generally this day is the day the kids seem to misbehave the most and everyone forgets her or just plain stresses her out.  The new mom is always disappointed that this day isn't a joyful event where she actually gets a day off from cooking, cleaning and poopy diapers.  I think I am somewhere in the middle I know yet I am still disappointed.  I have decided that being a step-mom and a mom is the worst for mothers day.  I spent the weekend before sending a mothers day card to bio mom. Buying a craft for the girls to do for bio mom, and helping them do it.  Buying a card for the girls and my hubby to sign to go with the gift.  While volunteering for K's class I spent 2 hours cutting out paper for a class project--it ended up being my mothers day present.  I don't get to see all my kids for mothers day and I highly doubt bio mom will let them even call me. So pretty much I made both mine and bio mom's mothers day presents.  Does this seem stress free? Maybe next year I will go on a kid free mothers day weekend so I don't have to deal with it. lol  Of course mothers day sucks! Too many expectations that are impossible to maintain.  Add having kids and bonus kids it's something I would hate for anyone to go through.  Of course I wouldn't trade it for anything.  So all you mom's and step-moms out there---Happy Mother's day!  We all know you do the same work.  Try to work through the stress today and just enjoy what you can.  If you don't have kids or don't have kids at home relax, you are still an influence on the next generation.  Happy Mothers Day to all--even if it does suck!

Eating dirt and other mis-steps .....

So my baby C2 was eating his lunch in his highchair today.  I heard him make a little noise but it settled down so I ignored it.  I was busy working on getting things in order for our upcoming mediation to get custody of my 3 bonus kids.  Very busy apparently.  I turned to look at him and he had reached over and had pulled a tomato plant off the table next to him that we have been waiting to plant and was trying to eat it. The dirt, the container and the actual plant.  Maybe I should pay better attention to a 1 year old. I love being in the garden and go out every chance I get but when C2 is with me all I do is chase him and try to keep him from eating dirt and unearthing plants.  It must be amusing for the neighbors to watch me do this.  All their kids are out of the "baby" stage.  My girls are all amused by this next stage of his life.  He plays and wrestles and sticks his tongue out at them.  Its hard to not love a sweet, cute and funny baby.  Exspecially when he bangs his head against the sliding glass doors to hear how it sounds then turns and waits for you to laugh.  Which we shouldn't cause he could get hurt but it is so dang funny we can't help it. Ahhhh--eating dirt and head banging--every moms dream!

What's in a name? Bio-mom vs Step mom

I started a little debat on my facebook last night by asking for suggestions on what my bonus kids could call me besides my first name.  I didn't mean to start the discussion but it was very intresting.  One of my good friends who is a counseler (a very good one) gave me some good things to think about and I want to pass some of that along because I agree with it.  The bio mom is extremly against the girls calling me anything but my first name---expecially mom.  My counsler friend explained that it's not about the girls calling me mom. It's about her trying to prevent them from loving me.  This is just the current battleground for her.  If I give in and have them keep calling me Jamie then she wins this round but will find another way to block them for loving me.  I have not insisted they call me mom yet but let them know it was ok.  But bio mom threatened them to never do and they are scared.  I don't want them in the middle.  But my friend pointed out they will always be in the middle a little because of the bio mom's hatred towards me.  I read something on the wicked step mom blog about the bio mom calling bonus mom saying that it hurts in feelings that bonus mom was volunteering her time for a school play.  This has happened several times to us.  I volunteer each week (in a town 45 min away) so my kids have a parent in the classroom.  Studies tell us that kids do better in school when their parents (bio or bonus) are consistantly at the school.  Bio mom works and is unable to.  I understand that might be hard for her.  But her response was to try to get me kicked out of the school and crying about how "hurt" she is and claiming she will bring it up in court.  Yes, court.  We all know she will be laughed out of court if she actually brought it up in a bad light since it good the kids. But it's about her fears of not being a good mom.  Doesn't she know if she allowed all the parents (4) to be part of the kids life, not only would  their lives be better but her's would be easier.  Being a divorced working mom doesn't make you a bad mom.  Not allowing the dad and bonus dad and bonus mom to help and be part of things does make you a bad mom.  So I still haven't decided what to do about my bonus mom title but I am definatly going to talk to the kids and after the decision is made then tell bio-mom. She should fight with me not the kids.  Silly insecure woman.  Kids can love so easily.

"I dare dare you to lick your armpit"----C1

I dare dare you to lick your armpit says C1.  I ask her what dare dare is.  Aparently it is truth or dare without any truth to it.  I made 3 attempts before finally getting a taste of deorderant.  EWW! Close enough for me to not complete that dare.  Then as we move on to something else C1 whispers in my ear "guess what my last dare dare was".  I have no idea what would be a good dare inside a car to a 7 year old.  I am thinking making funny faces to a passing moterist.  But no.  Her sister B found a bottle that had been lost under the seat of the car for a long time. She drank from it. She didn't get sick and die but I have definatly decided that I have to make time to clean out my car.  Yes, yes I am the mom with the messy car.  I do have 5 kids.  Between dance, school, piano, laundry, groceries, boo boo kissing, homework, carpool, cleaning the kitchen so our food doesn't kill us, playing, and all the other things I have to do daily my car doesn't gain the respect it probally needs.  Oh well.  Maybe I should dare dare myself to clean it.  Maybe not.  Since now my hubbie is sick, my daughter K is puking, and C2 shows signs of a really long teething process.  All in a days work for super mom though. Haha.....  tomorrow will be better.  I really wonder why people without kids don't think stay at mom's don't do anything but watch soap operas.  Please come spend a day with my kids and you will see what tired really is.  They are good----better than most.  LOL If I get a shower, I call that alone time.

I'm the better person.........

I am pretty sure that when someone declares themselves to "be the better person" to the person they are trying to convince it usually means that they are at fault.  It's also usually the woman who claims she is a great parent and doesn't have to worry about her kid because she has it so covered as a "great parent".  Parenting is hard and we have to continually work at being better people, parents, and spouses if we want to succeed at any of those things.  I hear both "I'm the better person", and "I'm a good mom" a lot from the biological mom of 3 of my kids.  Usually with the underlying meaning (because she enjoys belittling others exspecially me), are you are a terriable person and mother.  My neighbor's daughter and her kids are staying with her right now.  She reminds me a lot of the b-mom.  Her daughter and mine had a little kid fight that in this case was her daughter's fault.  She stomped over to my house and tried to pick fight with me over a typical kid fight.  Which wasn't anything.  I asked her why she was trying to fight a 6 year old fight (her daughter is 6).  She then went into how she is the better person and a good mom.  It's actually pretty funny since she just barely stopped trying to give her daughter up for adoption to her mom.  After I told her to just get off my property and to not bother me anymore I could actually see her stomping around white trash style on the phone waiving her hands in the air in her driveway.  Then when our other neighbor came home she ran right over and started telling her about it.  I have a great adult relationship with all my neighbors so I am not worried they will hate me like in junior high.  But it was comical to see an adult act like she was still in junior high.  The B-mom likes to thrust her chest and wave her hands around a lot as well.  People like that belong on Jerry Springer.  It's their poor kids that suffer from their crazy parents.  We all do a little damage to our kids why make it worse?  So before declaring yourself to the other person, maybe we should think about what actually makes us the better person, or better mom.  Besides depending on your kids age and personality if you ask them what kind of parent you are they will either say you are the worst or the best mom ever.  My younger kids still think I am the best mom ever.  I enjoy that even though it's not entirely true. LOL  I can keep trying and maybe when I am old and gray and on death's door that might actually be true.  But for now I will love everytime I pick my daughter K up from school and she runs towards me excittedly yelling mommy, mommy, mommy! 

"Bowling changed my life"

"Bowling changed my life" Was the random comment made by my daughter C1 last night at my other daughter K's birthday dinner.  We all started laughing so hard we never actually heard her explanation of why bowling changed her life.  She just said it so profoundly and was just so excitted that is was impossiable to not laugh. We had taken 3 of our daughter's out bowling the night before which only the birthday girl wanted to do.  But once we made it bumper bowling the games began.  Suddenly our 3 girls that are all pretty much the same age, (all born in the same year but not twins or triplets) were doing victory dances, singing, out scoring their father, and high five-ing over even one pin being knocked.  Our daughter K said it was the best night ever in her life.  They all turn 8 this year so they don't hate us yet.  It was a really fun night except that my hubbie thought 1 game was just a warm up and 2 games must be played.  The 2 of us ended up taking the girls turns because they were sooooo done they didn't want to continue, but he just had to play. Must be a guy thing.  I would rather get the kids home after a really fun time and get them in bed for a happy grumpy free tomorrow.
But at least bowling changed the life of one of my kids.