Monday, May 9, 2011

Are you ready to be a mother?

My mom sent this to me, she heard it in church and I think it is so funny I am passing it on to my readers.

1.        Mess Test:
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains.  Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
2.        Toy Test:
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Lego's.  (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks)  Have a friend spread them all over the house.  Put on a blindfold.  Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.  Do not scream.  (This could wake a child at night.)

3.        Grocery Store Test:
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store.  Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

4.        Dressing Test:
Obtain one large unhappy, live octopus.  Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all arms stay inside.

5.        Feeding Test:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug.  Fill halfway with water.  Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord.  Start the jug swinging.  Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios)  into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.  Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

6.        Night Test:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 – 12 pounds of sand.  Soak it thoroughly in water.  At 8:00 pm, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until (:00pm.  Lay down your bag and set you alarm for 10:00pm.  Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard.  Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 am.  Set alarm for 5:00am.  Get up and make breakfast.  Keep this up for 5 years.  Look cheerful.

7.        Physical Test:
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of you clothes.  Leave it there for 9 months.  Now remove only 10 of the beans.

8.        Final Assignment:
Find a couple who already has a small child.  Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners.  Suggest many ways they can improve.  Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot.  Enjoy this experience.  It will be the last time you will have all the answers.


I think I will make my own "Are you ready to be a Step-Mom" test in my next blog.  Hope you enjoyed the true but silly test.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Why does mothers day suck???

Every retail company in America wants us to buy bigger better mothers day presents so us mothers can have some magical stress free day where we feel super loved and appreciated.  To those amazing women who don't have kids they are either slapped in the face by this day with longing for the kids they don't have or are greatly relieved they don't have them.  The experienced mom knows that generally this day is the day the kids seem to misbehave the most and everyone forgets her or just plain stresses her out.  The new mom is always disappointed that this day isn't a joyful event where she actually gets a day off from cooking, cleaning and poopy diapers.  I think I am somewhere in the middle I know yet I am still disappointed.  I have decided that being a step-mom and a mom is the worst for mothers day.  I spent the weekend before sending a mothers day card to bio mom. Buying a craft for the girls to do for bio mom, and helping them do it.  Buying a card for the girls and my hubby to sign to go with the gift.  While volunteering for K's class I spent 2 hours cutting out paper for a class project--it ended up being my mothers day present.  I don't get to see all my kids for mothers day and I highly doubt bio mom will let them even call me. So pretty much I made both mine and bio mom's mothers day presents.  Does this seem stress free? Maybe next year I will go on a kid free mothers day weekend so I don't have to deal with it. lol  Of course mothers day sucks! Too many expectations that are impossible to maintain.  Add having kids and bonus kids it's something I would hate for anyone to go through.  Of course I wouldn't trade it for anything.  So all you mom's and step-moms out there---Happy Mother's day!  We all know you do the same work.  Try to work through the stress today and just enjoy what you can.  If you don't have kids or don't have kids at home relax, you are still an influence on the next generation.  Happy Mothers Day to all--even if it does suck!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Eating dirt and other mis-steps .....

So my baby C2 was eating his lunch in his highchair today.  I heard him make a little noise but it settled down so I ignored it.  I was busy working on getting things in order for our upcoming mediation to get custody of my 3 bonus kids.  Very busy apparently.  I turned to look at him and he had reached over and had pulled a tomato plant off the table next to him that we have been waiting to plant and was trying to eat it. The dirt, the container and the actual plant.  Maybe I should pay better attention to a 1 year old. I love being in the garden and go out every chance I get but when C2 is with me all I do is chase him and try to keep him from eating dirt and unearthing plants.  It must be amusing for the neighbors to watch me do this.  All their kids are out of the "baby" stage.  My girls are all amused by this next stage of his life.  He plays and wrestles and sticks his tongue out at them.  Its hard to not love a sweet, cute and funny baby.  Exspecially when he bangs his head against the sliding glass doors to hear how it sounds then turns and waits for you to laugh.  Which we shouldn't cause he could get hurt but it is so dang funny we can't help it. Ahhhh--eating dirt and head banging--every moms dream!